Need sex. Gaining weight.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
