Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
