I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
