Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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