I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And then he peed in my hair
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