R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
