hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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