this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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