Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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