I faked an abortion last night.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
