They should really pass out barf bags in church
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
