My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
