It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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