i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wish my penis had a tongue
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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