I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
