Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
