I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
