I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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