I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
