you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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