I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
