the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
