all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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