filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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