After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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