help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
