Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
