I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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