Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
