But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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