we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
