I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
