My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
