It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
