Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
