i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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