there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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