I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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