i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
