At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
