I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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