The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
