I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
