Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
