Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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