She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
