i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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