I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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