is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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