I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
