I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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