I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
