WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you will always have a special place in my vag
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
