I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
