you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
