New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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