Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.