everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting