The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way