Texts From Last Night

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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (13382) Bad night (1034)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.

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  (630): Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself. http://tfl.nu/vif9
  Replies (55) Good night (11289) Bad night (1673)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.

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  (412): Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super. http://tfl.nu/bpjq
  Replies (23) Good night (953) Bad night (5308)
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  (530): View more from California

  He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.

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  (530): He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me. http://tfl.nu/h0f1
  Replies (39) Good night (1211) Bad night (15913)
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  (408): View more from California

  I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.

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  (408): I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class. http://tfl.nu/di0h
  Replies (14) Good night (6960) Bad night (1457)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"

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  (727): There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000" http://tfl.nu/9a0a
  Replies (13) Good night (2451) Bad night (1063)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.

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  (319): As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em. http://tfl.nu/jzfe
  Replies (2) Good night (2095) Bad night (1025)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.

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  (715): She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee. http://tfl.nu/wutx
  Replies (7) Good night (1845) Bad night (1014)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.

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  (636): Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me. http://tfl.nu/3e5v
  Replies (9) Good night (1670) Bad night (842)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have

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  (207): Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have http://tfl.nu/07nn
  Replies (1) Good night (929) Bad night (451)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.

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  (412): Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab. http://tfl.nu/yqci
  Replies (5) Good night (1362) Bad night (708)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth

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  (402): Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth http://tfl.nu/4hkn
  Replies (16) Good night (793) Bad night (3505)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo

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  (860): I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo http://tfl.nu/rks3
  Replies (17) Good night (737) Bad night (1099)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.

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  (+44): I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy. http://tfl.nu/urw4
  Replies (4) Good night (650) Bad night (546)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.

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  (301): I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes. http://tfl.nu/nn8c
  Replies (2) Good night (297) Bad night (385)

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