Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better

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  (713): i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better http://tfl.nu/apc9
  Replies (3) Good night (918) Bad night (2349)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (1046) Bad night (3702)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.

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  (775): You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape. http://tfl.nu/xad4
  Replies (33) Good night (5199) Bad night (1188)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything

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  (561): oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything http://tfl.nu/egks
  Replies (10) Good night (3727) Bad night (1489)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

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  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (7493) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

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  (207): A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card. http://tfl.nu/ujy9
  Replies (11) Good night (8318) Bad night (1320)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover

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  (605): maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover http://tfl.nu/xpyi
  Replies (3) Good night (1541) Bad night (1200)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.

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  (773): SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS. http://tfl.nu/8a2r
  Replies (7) Good night (2319) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.

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  (201): I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay. http://tfl.nu/g3mb
  Replies (1) Good night (1624) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish

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  (772): Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish http://tfl.nu/fyel
  Replies (9) Good night (2373) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.

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  (501): You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie. http://tfl.nu/eccp
  Replies (4) Good night (2324) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers

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  (905): I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers http://tfl.nu/jbgt
  Replies (5) Good night (1154) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.

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  (701): Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year. http://tfl.nu/wvcz
  Replies (5) Good night (1166) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My penis needs a shock collar

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  (309): My penis needs a shock collar http://tfl.nu/qzdc
  Replies (8) Good night (698) Bad night (448)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????

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  (206): Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people???? http://tfl.nu/o1p9
  Replies (1) Good night (302) Bad night (412)

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