she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes