I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.