There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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