i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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