At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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