lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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