I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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