Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
