omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
