Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i already hear my dad disowning me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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