He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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