My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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