Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
