and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
