whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
