I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
