is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
