im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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