Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
